Dreaded Phone Calls

A short time ago I was thinking about something after I heard a friend on the phone getting that dreaded phone call that you never forget.

His step-father passed away this morning and even though he knew it was coming it’s still a big pill to swallow.

I had no advance warning when my dad passed, it was an odd day but I can remember most every detail.
I also remember being told that since I wasn’t crying that I didn’t care.
Do you know how hard that is on an 11 year old kid?

Many years had passed since that had been said and it had taken him that many years to realize why I didn’t, it was because I hid in the closet, woods or anywhere else no one could see me so he never knew till I told him.

I remember the cold November morning when I got that call.

I had just worked 24 hours straight and went to sleep at about 6 am. At 8 my phone rang and I wasn’t about to get up to go get it.
Next my work phone rang and that was odd to get 2 calls in a row on 2 different phones.
It was my sister-in-law Anissa telling me that my brother had passed away, that was the most empty feeling I’ve ever felt in my entire life, and yes I did cry and still do to this day, but it was Rick who it took a while to understand me and that is why I still have a difficult time talking about my brother to anyone.
He knew me more than anyone else on the face of this earth and perhaps that’s why I feel so abandoned at times because it took him almost 20 years to understand me and every friendship / relationship in my past has been doomed from the start.

Thank You to my friends who have been there for me in the last few months, I don’t expect you to understand me nor the things I do, but don’t write me off just yet or think I am insane.

I am me and sometimes its frightening enough to wake up not knowing if I will survive the day ahead, but knowing someone is there makes it better 🙂



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