A New Season


Each year there comes a time that the air is cool and clear, and as we look around we see the leaves changing colors.
As we all know the beautiful colors are actually decomposition from the dead foliage and something that is necessary for the trees to blossom in the coming spring.
This feels like my fall, there have been so many changes in the last few weeks (some I will explain in later posts) that have brought me to what feels like the bottom of my barrel.
In 2 days I will loose the job that I have worked at and loved for 3 1/2 years.

3 1/2 years may not seem like a very long time, but in my line of work it feels like an eternity.
I have lost count of the people that have come and gone from here.
The hours suck, the conditions suck, the time away from family sucks and I regret not spending more time with my wife and daughter.
Although being off on medical leave for 14 months, returning to work for this brief period has been welcomed and somewhat theraputic.
However knowing that my co-workers have had to sacrifice by taking my on-call and work longer hours and spend time away from their families has burdened me since my first surgery and now they can finally get some relief when my replacement starts.
I will miss this place (although I cussed and complained quite a bit) because I love my job.
I’ve no clue what is to come for me now and that scares me beyond belief because as I have said before “change to Byron is NOT good!”
Emotions have their grip on me to the point that doing any kind of work today seems damn near impossible.

If there was only a time machine hidden somewhere that was waiting for me to hop in and go back to the past and change some things around, part of me thinks I would go, but part of me thinks not because I am who I am.

I have let those close to me down and the guilt alone is enough to make me want to crawl in a hole and never come out again, and for that I am sorry.

I have no idea what the future holds for me at this point, but with a little love and support my leaves will be back soon.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement over the last few months, they mean more to me than you could ever know.

Byron

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